Saying preschooler and manners in the same sentence can seem a bit much. Kids of this age are not known for their ability to say or do the right things. They want instant gratification, are stubborn and are prone to tantrums.
However, these years are also the most important to learn social skills and common courtesies, just as the preschool period is the most important period for intellectual development. Sadly, manners seem to be losing out to academics where preschooler parents are concerned. During my teaching days, most parents seemed more interested in how many words their preschooler could spell than whether he had learned to say “please” and “thank you.”
This is the first in a series of posts dealing with this much ignored facet of your child’s development. In later posts, we can talk about table manners, telephone skills and social skills, but for now, these basics are an absolute must if you have a preschooler at home.
Why Is This the Best Period in His Life to Learn Good manners?
Most of the social skills and manners your preschooler picks up will be well established by the time he is ready to leave preschool. In other words, you can’t wait until they are older to teach them fine manners. That nine year old kid you see in the fast food restaurant whining or raising his voice at his mother in public, is already beyond help. The mother simply missed the train as far as manners were concerned.
It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking, “Well, my child already has so much going on in his life. He already has to learn the alphabet and numerals, words, motor skills and imaginative play – why burden him with learning the P s and Qs of social graces?”
Don’t make this mistake. Kids of this age have an infinite capacity to learn and absorb, if you’re willing to sit down and teach them through patience. Think of it this way – years from now, his social skills could be the difference that helps him stand cut and shoulders above the rest.
What Kind of Social Skills Could You Teach a PreSchooler?
We’re not talking Victorian style Ps and Qs here, just the very basics of human courtesy. By the time your child is three, she should have learned to say “Please” and Thank you.” (If your child is older, and not yet certain of the situations that call for these words, don’t delay further. Begin today).
Positive reinforcement works very well to teach kids the importance of “Please,” “Sorry,” ” Thank You,” and “Excuse Me.” Don’t make it seem like the learning of manners is something that he has to do only to make Mommy happy. Teach him that using these words makes it more likely that adults will respond positively to him. For instance, if he adds a “Please” when he’s asking for something, adults are always more inclined to give him what he wants rather than if he just yells out his desires.
Similarly, with “Sorry,” it helps if he sees that saying it actually helps fix whatever it was he did wrong. Or when he bumps into someone and says “Excuse Me” and the other person is only too willing to give him room to pass, he sees that manners are pretty cool!
When they learn how beneficial it can be to them, they are more likely to incorporate these skills into their everyday lives.
Of course, just using these words, doesn’t guarantee that their desires will be met. Don’t fall into the trap of “Well, I said please, didn’t I? So where’s my new train?” Pad the disappointment of not getting what he wants by praising his use of the words. Be liberal with praise and encouragement – this is true for just about every facet of your preschooler’s development.
Be a role model with your behavior. Practice these words yourself. If your interaction with your child is restricted to a military style barking of orders, then that’s exactly what he learns. Make “Please”, “Thank You” and “Sorry“ important words in your vocabulary in your interactions with him. Your child imitates you much more than you know.
Other possible sources of picking up bad behavior are his friends and playmates. Choose his playmates wisely. Try to keep him away from other kids who could be a bad influence on his habits. Use your discretion. Preschoolers are just noisy, dirty and careless, and you won’t find a bunch of kids in the same room behaving like angels. But if something about the behavior of one of his playmates disturbs you (you’ll know it if something seems to be a bigger problem than just the typical behavior for his age) don’t hesitate to cut down the amount of time your child spends with that kid.
You don’t have to judge other children’s behavior. But you are ultimately responsible for your own child. Do whatever’s best for him.
