Hmmm…

I came across this article yesterday - please take the time to read it.  Apparently, etiquette classes for kids are becoming all the rage in America.  Stressed parents have no time to teach kids social graces like table manners and stuff, and so, are packing kids off to these etiquette classes so their children will learn to mind their Ps and Qs.   The video shows a bunch of 7 to 11 years olds, sitting stiffly at a table and being taught the fine nuances of social dining. 

Kids as young as 4 - and this is the point that bothers me - are being sent to these classes to imbibe social graces!  Four!!! Why does a four year old need to be all stiff and formal? To have dinner with the Queen?

A part of me feels sorry for parents who are too busy to devote as much time as they might like to teaching their kids manners.  After a stressful day at the office, the last thing you want to do is remind your child through gritted teeth not to talk with her mouth full or to get that elbow off the table.  I can even understand sending older kids or teens to these classes, if their manners were leading to you being dropped from party invitations around town.

But preschoolers? Come on.

What do you think?  Would you consider sending your kids to  a manners class?

There are very few things that make people go Aww… like the sound of a little child at the other end of the phone speaking politely and calmly. Learning how to speak on the phone sets a pattern for kids as they get older. In these days of 6 year olds with their own cell phones, good old fashioned telephone manners are getting harder to come by. A mumbled ”Lo?” or “Yeah?” is getting to be the norm, even with adults.

Learning how to speak properly on the telephone is one of the most useful skills that you can teach your child. Telephone manners aren’t just about “Hello” and “May I ask who’s calling?”, but have a lot to do with proper message taking, and the correct way to pass on the telephone to the person who is needed at the phone.

In all probability, your child won’t be taking messages when you’re out of the house, since she’ll likely be with a sitter or other family member, but during bathroom breaks or when you’re busy elsewhere, it helps if your preschooler has some basic telephone manners in place.

Plus, telephone manners help her to learn voice control, since part of the process is learning to speak calmly and slowly over the phone. To help your child differentiate between the tones to be used in different situations, please read the basics of speech and manners for preschoolers.

Your preschooler is already quite familiar with telephones, and what they are used for, and has likely spent some time gurgling into her toy telephone as a baby. This makes your job easier because she is already familiar with the use of the instrument.

Use a toy telephone to begin teaching your child what to say on the phone. Begin by teaching her the proper way to answer the phone.

Hello, So and So’s residence.

Older kids can be taught to use their name (Lindsay speaking), but I wouldn’t recommend it for preschoolers. It’s just too easy for a stranger to find out her name, and use it as a chance to befriend her. A child is more likely to trust a person who uses her name. When she’s older and wiser, you can teach her to use her name, after the “Hello,” but for now a basic “Hello” or a “Hello” followed by the name of the family and residence will do just fine.

The second step to teach her is

May I know who’s calling?

This is harder to get. To make it easier for her, allow her to receive the telephone when it rings, stand in front of her and mouth the words when she begins to falter. You could ask your spouse or a friend to call for practice. This is one area where practice absolutely makes perfect.

Once she has the person’s name, teach her to go and call the person who’s needed at the phone. Many kids tend to hang up while they go call. Teach her to place the phone down on the table, and then go and call Mommy or Daddy– not to place it back on the set. Tell her to say “Just a moment, please” before she places the phone, so the caller knows she’s gone to fetch you.

Message taking is tricky among preschoolers – they’re too young to write anything down, or remember the names of whoever has called. You can use pretend telephone play to help her practice. Call the main phone from your cell phone, and pretend you’re some one calling for her mom or Daddy who isn’t at home. Teach her to ask

“I am sorry she’s not available at the moment. May I take a message?”

Again, this will take tons of practice.

Things to Watch Out For

I said this before and I’ll repeat it here – she must never give out her name to the caller at the other end.

She must never say no one’s at home. If you’re leaving her with a sitter, make sure to put the phone on the answering machine. Remember, when a telemarketer calls, he has your address on his computer screen. Having a child say there’s no one at home can be fool hardy.

She must not carry on a conversation with a stranger at the other end. Besides the fact that the other person might not be in the mood to chit chat with a little person, it can also be dangerous if the caller intends to get personal information out of her.

Tell her it’s always better to say “Mommy is not available to speak at the moment.” Not “Mommy is in the toilet!”

Teach her to speak calmly and slowly.

It won’t happen overnight, but with a little practice your child can master the art of perfect telephone conversation!

So, does your preschooler answer the phone at home?

By the age of 3, your child has moved from beyond a high chair to a booster seat, and can start joining you at the dining table. Take her tender age into consideration when you begin teaching table manners – they don’t have a high attention span, their eye hand co ordination isn’t on adult levels which means a lot of spills, and they might not be able to sit through an entire meal without getting fidgety.

If it’s not possible to eat all meals a day together as a family, try to fit in at least one family meal to establish the basics of table manners.

Begin by teaching her the basics. She has to come to the table with clean and washed hands. Teach her to pull her chair out, and then sit on it. Once she begins chewing, she must do so with her mouth closed. They are a little young at this age to teach them not to place their elbows on the table, but it’s your call.

It’s easy for kids to move from a bib as a baby to a napkin as a child. Teach her how to dab at her mouth to clean a smear instead of wiping. Don’t make it seem like a terrible mistake if she doesn’t get into the perfect habits right away. Kids this age love to learn (as I never tire of saying). The trick is to make them think they are playing or having fun as they learn. Other easy manners you can teach a child this age are

• Not to talk with her mouth full
• Not to shove large portions of food into her mout
• Not to chew noisily
• Not to touch the food with her fingers. Don’t be discouraged if she does pick up foowith her fingers sometimes, though.

Use small sized plates and glasses to make it seem less daunting for your child. For water, use a shot glass – it doesn’t tip, and won’t spill water on the table. Get divider plates to help her keep each food separate from the other on the plate.

She might not want to stick around till the entire family is done. If she wants to leave after she’s finished, let her but teach her to say “May I be excused now?” before she leaves.

If you’d like to take your child with you when you eat out, she’ll need to have same basic table manners in place. Begin at home, right from the age of 3. Wait till she has her fundamentals in place, before you expose her to dining in social settings which is a whole different ball game.

Having said all this, don’t be disappointed if the reality of eating with your preschooler is a far cry from your vision of a refined and elegant family dining experience! But, she’ll never learn unless you begin exposing her to adult dining situations, so she’s better equipped when you begin eating out with her. If you have a hard time getting her to settle down in her seat and not talk loudly at the dinner table at home, it’s safe to assume you’ll find it harder in a restaurant, where there is a larger audience for her tantrums!